Every Cliche In the Book
by axis-kill
Summary: deliberate chiche fic. Sakuragi Hanamichi and Mito Youhei. Silliness ensues.
1. In a closet

** As the World Falls Around Our Ears  
** by Rage  
Warnings: er...male sap?  
Notes: This is a cliche fic. It's a deliberate cliche fic. Written while chatting with Seph  
Disclaimer: don't own. 

* 

Hanamichi was anything but 'small'. 

"Dammit! Those are my ribs!!" 

There was no apology of course. The Tensai didn't apologize for such small things as bruised ribs caused by nonexistent clumsiness. 

"Hanamichi!" 

"What?" 

"Would you _please_ tell me why you threw me into a closet?" 

There was a substantial pause before Hanamichi shuffled his feet ---stepping on Youhei's toes in the process--- and finally said, "Because it's not a closet." 

There was an even more substantial pause from his end before Youhei finally sighed. He wasn't sure if he wanted to make the effort of translating that statement into normal human speech. 

"Not a closet." 

"Nope." 

There was a third pause, but being more than familiar with these sorts of conversations, Youhei didn't wait very long before prompting, "Then where are we?" 

He could practically see the wide ear-to-ear grin that split itself across Hanamichi's face. Hanamichi lowered his voice in something he obviously meant to be seductive. Youhei'd never had the heart to tell him otherwise. "It's an elevator." 

"An. Elevator. Wow. I've never been in one of _those_ before! Wait 'til all m--OW!" Youhei yelped as his ribs were once again abused, this time on purpose. 

"Right, right. An elevator. Why are we in an elevator?" 

"Because we can't get out." 

"So we got into an elevator that we can't get out? Why wou---oh." Youhei's train of thought derailed and he happily shut his mouth as a set of long fingers crept up under the hem of his shirt. Hanamichi had nice large hands. Warm, calloused and strong enough make Youhei squirm in embarrassing ways he'd never admit to in public. 

"Yeah, we're trapped, see?" Hanamichi's voice lowered again, his breath brushing softly past his ear. For his part, Youhei tried very hard not to laugh in the large wave of amusement that rose and tried to drown him. He really did. Hopefully Hanamichi hadn't noticed the little snicker that did manage to sneak out. 

Youhei obligingly shifted closer. "So. We're trapped. The world is ending, of course?" 

"Of course." 

Youhei reached up blindly and managed to find a pair of broad shoulders to latch onto without poking Hanamichi's eye out. 

"So death and destruction everywhere?" 

Strong arms wrapped around his waist, nearly lifting him up. Youhei dug his fingers into Hanamichi's shoulders battling momentarily to drag _him_ down instead. 

"No. The world's already ended. We're the only ones left." 

"Ah." Youhei murmured into the neck he buried his face in. "And we're going to repopulate the earth." He nipped at soft throat flesh. "You get to be the mommy." 

"What?! You're laughing at me!!" He was too easy sometimes. Hanamichi jerked, letting go of Youhei and knocking him backwards. That part Youhei had expected. The part he hadn't added in was the size of the closet. Or rather lack of it. 

He felt himself bounce off of something before going down in a rain of clothes hangers. "Ow." Youhei said succinctly. 

He could hear some shuffling. "Youhei? Where are you?" 

"Down here." Youhei winced as a toe found it's way into his hip. "This elevator's just lost a line and we're both going to plummet to our deaths." 

Hanamichi snorted. "No. You're just a klutz." 

A large hand latched onto his arm and pulled him up. Youhei tried for a moment to stay on the floor but the hand was insistent. 

"A klutz? I am not." 

"Are to." 

"Are not." 

"Are... you're almost as bad as Nozomo, that's how clumb--" Youhei brought his hand up, aiming to cover Hanamichi's mouth. He ended up with a couple fingers up a large nostril instead. 

He jerked his hand back quickly and wiped his hand on his pant leg. "Am not." Arms were pulling him close again. "Alright, no you're not. And don't dare saying anything about fat asses." 

"Are you calling me infantile?" 

"No. You're short, but definitely no baby." 

Youhei shoved at Hanamichi's chest which was a little too high up to get as much force behind it as he'd wished. It vibrated from his booming laughter. "Dammit! I. Am. Not. Short!" The laughter got louder so he tried punching him. His fist hit meat with a satisfying thump. 

He didn't stop laughing but at least he toned it down a bit. Jerk. 

"I'm not short." He muttered in a patently false injured tone. Hanamichi, of course, fell for it and was already hugging him apologetically. He leaned into the fingers combing messily through his gel-hardened hair. 

"You're just freakishly big." 

Another outraged shout and he found himself sliding to the floor again, the rest of the hangers landing on his head. 

"Youhei! You!" 

Whatever reply Youhei intended to give was interrupted as the sun suddenly exploded-- Or rather--the closet door was jerked open, flooding the small closet with light. A voice could be clearly heard yelling, "Hanamichi!! Where are you and why are all my clothes on the floor out in the hall?" Youhei blinked blearily from underneath the coat hangers and finally recognized the confused face of Hanamichi's roommate. Hanamichi emitted something that sounded suspiciously like a growl. 

The roommate didn't even pause as he muttered, "Never mind." And immediately closed the door again. There was a moment of blessed darkness before Youhei's muffled howls of laughter bounced and rebounded off the narrow walls. 

Then Hanamichi really did growl and very firmly shut him up. Youhei couldn't find it in himself to mind at all. 

.

.

.

-end. 

.

.

.


	2. Their First kiss

** Practice Makes Better  
** by Rage  
Based on RP with Cugami. Follows 'As the World FallsARound Our Ears' and 'Another Brick In the Wall'. Check my website for more stories that I couldn't upload here.  
Disclaimer: not mine. 

* 

Mondays at Shohoku were barely tolerable as best. Actually having to get up in the morning was already bad enough -- but the knowledge that his day of freedom was officially over and the next one wouldn't be coming for another week -- that was enough to make him and every other student in the country decidedly cranky. 

Youhei yawned widely as he mumbled hellos to various acquaintances and made his way past the gates, into the school and up onto the roof to wrangle with a door that didn't seem to want to open. Until he got his morning breakfast, cigarette, and coffee -- Youhei didn't even qualify as human. How did the school expect him to open such complicated doors? Once he managed to get onto the roof, he nodded squinty-eyed at Hanamichi who was already there with a mile wide grin stretched across his face. 

"Hey, Youhei!" said Hanamichi with the disgusting sort of cheer morning people tended to have. Youhei opened his mouth to give a grunt that would pass for a return greeting but he hadn't managed to do more than lift his head when Hanamichi suddenly ducked his own and gave and him a quick little peck on the mouth. Hanamichi's face settled into a thoughtful look as Youhei had a quiet little heart attack -- scattering his books, and dropping his partially eaten breakfast. "Well, okay...so that's how it feels like." 

Youhei, once he realized he was indeed awake and he hadn't been dreaming, stared in complete shock at what he had previously thought to be his very _straight_ best-friend. When he could speak again, he yelped, "W-what was that?" 

"Uhm, that was supposed to be a kiss..." 

"Well, it sucked! You kiss as bad as you punch!" 

"What the fuck's your problem?! I just wanted to know what...bah! Never mind!" 

Feeling an irrational surge of anger and the accompanying burst of adrenaline, Youhei responded by grabbing Hanamichi by the ears, yanked his head down and gave him _his_ version of a kiss. 

Teeth clacked together and noses got in the way, but it was hard and rough and Youhei suddenly decided that the bit of breakfast roll stuck in Hanamichi's teeth was really the best thing he'd tasted. Ever. After awhile, part of his brain told him quietly that air was good and rather necessary, but breakfast rolls and saliva and Hanamichi's tongue was much more important, so he ignored that voice. It didn't know what it was talking about anyway. 

Youhei eventually jerked back, gasping and gulping down oxygen. Snarled, "That's how you do it." And stormed off. As soon as the roof door shut behind him with a loud clang, he started running. 

So now it was Hanamichi's turn to have a heart attack because he hadn't seen that coming. 

* 

Hanamichi loved mornings. The sun was up. He got to practice basketball. He got to run around. He got to steal breakfast off his friends -- what was there not to like? There was school, of course, but everyone knew that a well-timed nap could shorten even the most boring of classes. 

So it was with bouncing cheer and his usual sort of frenetic energy that Sakuragi Hanamichi faced this particular morning's conundrum. 

His breakfast was stale. Youhei was late. A genius like himself shouldn't not know anything. 

Energetic chewing and a can of coffee that Ookusu had told him to give to Youhei easily solved the first problem, but Youhei wasn't there and why should he be anyone's errand boy? Youhei could get his own coffee. Besides, it was fun to laugh at the moron when he walked into walls and fell down stairs in his attempts to wake up. 

Which brought Hanamichi to problem number two. 

Which was also easily solved as the roof door flew forcefully open, bounced off the wall with a clang and shut again. It flew open a second time and, looking dead cranky, the man in question quickly stumbled through before it bounced closed behind him. 

Hanamichi deliberately straightened up to tower over Youhei (which Hanamichi knew he absolutely hated) and grinned down at him. Then gleefully realized that problem three was soon to be worked out as Youhei tilted his head up to make ugly faces at him and opened his mouth to either give insult or an unintelligible greeting. Hanamichi took the chance to dive in and do a little experimenting. 

And it, Hanamichi thought with a twinge of disappointment, wasn't really what everyone said it to be. 

Sure, it was nice. Youhei was clean smelling, he had a soft mouth, and he was kinda cute looking at him all fish-eyed and mouth flapping. But it still wasn't anything earth shattering. 

But then Youhei started shouting at him and... 

Well. 

Well...well... 

Short Youhei. Short was cute. Soft mouths taste best with mint. Youhei was very smart. 

When Youhei grabbed him, Hanamichi's first reaction had been to block because he'd thought Youhei was about to attempt, of all things, a head butt -- but then, it didn't happen. Then after the first minute? Hour? Hanamichi was willing to admit that perhaps he had been doing it wrong -- even geniuses sometimes don't get things on the first try -- and that he really was one of the luckiest guys in the world to have a best friend and his best friend was smart and his best friend was--- 

Was gone? 

Hanamichi, still shocked, held a hand over his heart, just to check if it was still beating. He looked around at the empty roof, at the clear blue sky, at the door swinging rustily back and forth on its hinges in the wake of a forceful passing. 

And then he ran after Youhei. 

* 

Youhei knew that Hanamichi was going to give chase -- one needn't be best friends with the guy to know _that_ -- so he took off as fast as he could, careening down the stairs three at a time, slamming through a door and out into the nearest hallway the moment he heard the roof door open. Panicky little thoughts burst through his brain, of skipping class, of hopping on a plane and leaving the country, of drowning himself in the toilet. Once he reached about halfway down the hall, he began to slow down a little, thinking that he'd managed to elude Hanamichi. 

He almost tripped all over himself as he heard a door fly open and very familiar footsteps pound in after him. 

Now, Youhei could have gone the manly route and turned around and faced Hanamichi. Unfortunately, the potential embarrassment was much too high, so he did the next best thing -- he ducked down a random hallway, found a closet, and hid. 

* 

Hanamichi bumped and shoved random students out of his way, trying not to lose Youhei's head among the crowd. He ran past the corridor Youhei turned to and came back when he heard a soft click. Trusting his instincts, he yanked the door open, stepped in and closed it behind him. Into the gloomy dark he said, "How many times do I have to remind you? I have longer legs." 

He advanced slowly as he watched Youhei stagger back against the far wall. Then snorted in irritation as Youhei grabbed a nearby bucket, holding it out in front of him like a shield. "Personal bubble! I'm not here! Go! Leave! Away!" 

"Poking the bubble." Hanamichi grabbed the bucket and tossed it over his shoulder where it bounced against the door and fell to the floor with a hollow thunk. "Now, let's get this right." He grabbed Youhei by the collar and pulled, giving one last glare before he kissed him, the Youhei version. 

Youhei melted. 

Hanamichi remained lip and tongue-locked with Youhei as his wrist watch loudly ticked off the passing seconds from where it was caught in the collar of his uniform jacket, aware only that his lungs were, for the second time that morning, complaining about a lack of air. He pulled away, quite out of breath, and stared hard at Youhei. "How about that?" 

Youhei blinked blearily up at Hanamichi, having gone cross-eyed again. His mouth opened and flapped around a bit without anything coming out. Then, weakly he said, "Better." 

Hanamichi grinned down at him. "Good. Now to aim for perfection." He leaned down again and let his instinct carry the rest. 

.

.

.

-end. .

.

.


End file.
